What You Can't Have
by Julie Frost
Summary: After 513. When you want what you can't have, how can you get what you want? Brian's world turns upside down when Justin shows up at his 37th birthday party. However, there is a certain monkey wrench in his plans to win Justin back. BrianJustinEthan
1. I'm Always in Love

**What You Can't Have**

**Rating:** Teen, for coarse language and implied sexual situations.

**Disclaimer:** As much as I would like to, I don't own Randy Harrison, Gale Harold, Fabrizio Filippo, CowLip, or anything else from _Queer as Folk_. (There's a spoiler right there, in case you didn't notice. Wink, wink!)

**Summary:** When you want what you can't have, how do you get what you want? Brian's world turns upside down when Justin shows up at his 37th birthday party. However, there is a certain monkey wrench in his plans to win Justin back.

**A/N:** Hello, hello! I'm a newcomer to the QAF fandom, but I hope you'll like what I have to offer. Anyway, while I did like the B/J ending (my only complaint is that Justin _should_ have been there at the re-opening of Babylon), I kept asking myself, "How can I bring these two together again without making it seem entirely contrived or unrealistic?" Hence, I tried writing a story. In my head, though, I think Brian would suffer one month alone and lonely, then realize he was miserable without Justin and immediately pack his shit and move to New York where they would live happily ever after.

Of course, that wouldn't make much of a fic, so things happen a little differently in this story. ;-)

Before we go on, let me explain a few things. Chapter titles are once again derived from song titles, just like in most of my other fics. (The song in this chapter is by awesome alt-country band Wilco.) This was a habit I picked up from the show _Grey's Anatomy._ Chunks of my plot are also adapted from the show, but I'm not telling you which ones. If you're enough of a GA fan, you'd know. (wink wink) Feel free to pinpoint them by commenting!

You might notice that every chapter begins with italicized text. This is how I designed the story: the italicized text at the start of every chapter is a snippet of an actual Brian/Justin scene on _Queer as Folk._ I pick lines based on how well they summarize the concept of each chapter.

Oh, and one last thing: Text between // double slashes // are song lyrics. Don't worry, though, song lyrics only appear in two chapters of the story, for reference.

Happy reading:)

* * *

**Chapter 1: I'm Always in Love**

_"I'll be back," he promised. "And you'll come there. We're gonna see each other all the time." _

_"You don't know that. Neither do I. Whether we see each other next week, next month...never again." His voice is pinched as he says this. The mere prospect of never seeing him again made him ache a little. "It doesn't matter. It's only time. " _

They never saw each other again.

No phone calls, no e-mails, no visits, nothing. Because they had only one reason to keep it going, and a million reasons not to. First of all, having a long-distance relationship was the dumbest idea in the world. Then there was the fact that Brian was a born commitmentphobe. Justin was only 22 years old, and had yet to take on the world. Thus, as one cliched saying put it, they loved each other enough to let go.

Over at Babylon, Brian and Ted are seated at the bar, waiting for Michael (who hadn't arrived yet) and Emmett (who had followed a hunk to the back room). A saucy redhead sidles up to Brian and whispers naughtily in his ear.

"I'm not in the mood," Brian deadpans. The redhead skulks away, highly insulted.

Ted clucks his tongue. "You know what your problem is? It's not that you can't have what you want. That would be me -- before Blake came along, anyway. Your problem is that you want what you can't have."

"Did I ask you for your opinion? I don't even know what the hell you're talking about."

"Oh, come on! Everyone's noticed that ever since you-know-who left for the Big Apple, you're always 'not in the mood.'"

"It's called growing older, Theodore. I'm sure _you_ know all about that."

Meanwhile, two twinkies who clearly haven't heard of subtlety are standing in the crowd, five feet away from them. "He turned me down!" the redhead wails, tilting his head in Brian's direction. "Bitch, nobody turns me down!"

His blond companion rolls his eyes. "You idiot, that's Brian Kinney! I know you've been here only two weeks, but come on, everybody on Liberty Avenue knows about Brian Kinney."

"Like, duh, I know who he is. My roomie said he's the sluttiest queen in Pittsburgh."

From the bar, Ted stifles a guffaw.

"He used to be," scoffs the blond. "A year or two ago, he was the hot, unapologetic whore Pittsburgh fags knew and loved -- er, lusted after. Then an innocent blond twinkie comes along, charms him off his feet. Before you know it, he's in love. Turns out, Blondie was a real gold digger, and just days after Brian proposes, he takes off for New York."

"Oh, that's awful!"

"I know, right? Anyway, ever since then, Brian just stopped being Brian. He's all boring and shit. I don't even know why he still shows up here, other than because he owns the place."

Brian squeezes in between and smiles at them both. They smile back. Then, his face turns dead serious. "'Blondie' was _not_ a gold digger. Now, get the fuck out of my club. Take your gossiping over to Popperz with the rest of you cheap whores."

"Sorry, guys, he's had a little too much vodka!" Ted says as he drags Brian away. He turns to him. "Jeez, Brian, take it easy!"

"You liar." Brian sits back down at the bar. "I didn't have any vodka."

"I know. Everyone knows. This is _exactly_ what I'm talking about!"

"What? That I 'want what I can't have?' Bullshit."

"You know I'm right. Like, you kept fucking around and acting like an irresponsible shit when you and Justin were together, but now that he's gone, you're...a shadow of your former self."

"Quit talking out of your ass. It isn't charming in the least."

"Come on! You barely drink anymore --"

"Fear of beer belly," Brian responds, poking at Ted's enlarged gut.

"You don't do drugs --"

"Fear of permanent brain damage."

"Your formerly voracious sexual appetite is now non-existent --"

"Fear of STDs."

"You hardly show up at Babylon nowadays --"

Brian shrugs. "Fear of becoming an aging queen who won't stop shaking his gross, wrinkly ass on the dance floor. How embarrassing."

"Please, you're not _that_ old."

"Well, I'm...of age...to start thinking about things other than sex, drugs, sex, partying and sex. Maybe it's time I got serious about my life. I'm sure Mrs. Novotny-Bruckner here can tell you all about it," he says gesturing to Michael, who is wading through the crowd to get to them. "Right, Mikey?"

"I don't know. The Brian Kinney I once knew _never_ lived in fear of anything. Maybe you should call Justin."

Brian absent-mindedly twists the gold band on his left finger. He'd been wearing it ever since the morning after Justin left, when he woke up to find only one wedding ring inside the box. "This has nothing to do with Sunshine."

"This has _everything_ to do with Sunshine!" Michael wails. "Come on, you're scaring the bejesus out of us with your newfound...chastity. Eww."

"Hey, I'm just reevaluating my goals. Trying to grow up a little. After all, I am...thirty."

"Thirty-four," they correct him.

Suddenly, heads turn as a man, incredibly hot from his long, dirty blond hair down to his designer shoes, makes his way towards them. The red-headed twinkie whispers to his friend about how hot he is.

"Duh, that's the _new_ Brian Kinney of Babylon," the blond replies. "Everybody totally wants him."

Ted and Michael gaze in admiration at this beautiful stranger, who stops in front of Brian. "Hi."

Brian recognizes him. He's the guy who lost their little wager. The one he nearly had, before he changed his mind. "Why, Billy, we meet again. Now, why would you want to talk to little ol' me?"

"It's Brandon," he rasps, and takes Brian by the hand. "Back room. Join me?"

At this, everyone staring at Brandon went back to whatever it was they were doing, save for a few who wanted to see Brandon get rejected for the first time in his pretty little life. Brian himself was mildly stunned at first, since he remembered Brandon being totally uninterested in him, once upon a time. Then he realized that Brandon probably learned that screwing Brian was an impossibility nowadays, and that made him more attractive in Brandon's eyes. The little shit was out to do what nobody else could.

Brian sighs exasperatedly. "I'm not in the m--"

"Our dear friend would _love_ to go with you!" Ted says, grinning hugely as at Brandon as he and Michael shove their 'dear friend' towards him.

"Fine, fine," Brian relents, "whatever it takes to shut you two up." He lets Brandon lead him by the hand to the back room.

Emmett joins Michael and Ted in time to see Brian walking away. Confused, he turns to his friends and asks, "Did I miss something?"

"I never thought I'd say this," Michael admits, "but I'm so glad that Brian's finally gonna get laid!"

And so Brian let Brandon have his way with him in the back room, and that ended a full month of celibacy (for Brian, that was a major record). He would go back to the habit of screwing random hotties, but only once or twice a week. And he avoided young blondes (other than Brandon) like the plague. At Emmett's insistence that Brian just missed the companionship that Justin had once provided, Brian tried having an open relationship with Brandon. Unlike Justin, however, Brandon never really became anything more than the guy Brian Kinney fucked more than once. They settled for being fuck buddies.

Every so often, Justin crossed his mind, but days passed by with Brian doing nothing about it. Days stretched into weeks, weeks into months, and months into years. Before anyone knew it, three years had passed them by.

* * *

"Package for Mr. Justin Taylor?" an old, plump mailwoman calls out as she enters an art gallery. She asks the scruffy blond who approaches to "Sign here, please. Do you own this gallery?"

"Yeah, I bought it about a year ago."

She notices the gold ring on his right hand. "Ain't that cute! I got a right hand ring myself! Real popular among us beautiful, strong, single gals. Although I'm sure it works that way for guys, too. I saved up for a whole month to get myself this baby." The postwoman holds up her own hand, revealing a thin silver band with an impossibly tiny diamond on it.

"Oh, this isn't some DeBeers marketing campaign or anything. It's just a gift from an old friend. Sometimes," he adds, chuckling, "I wear it on my left hand so that girls won't hit on me."

"Honey, with a face like that, you're gonna have to do a _lot _better than a fake wedding ring," the elderly lady laughs.

Justin half-smiles to placate the old lady as he signs the clipboard. A strangely familiar tune starts playing on the radio. Justin can't quite place where he heard it before.

_// You can dance every dance with the man who gives you the eye, let him hold you tight. // _

The old mailwoman claps giddily. "Oh, it's our song! Me and Danny danced to it on our wedding night, and every anniversary before he passed away."

_Dance...?_ A number of visions began popping up in his head. Students dancing. Himself in a tuxedo, Daphne in a pretty orange dress. It's a high school prom. _His_ high school prom. The one he couldn't remember.

It was all coming back to him.

_// You can smile every smile for the man who held your hand beneath the pale moonlight. // _

Daph tapped him on the shoulder and pointed behind him. He saw Brian striding towards them, clad entirely in black as per usual, save for a white silk scarf around his neck. He asked Daphne if he may borrow her date, and led a smiling Justin to the center of the dance floor.

Justin was starting to remember every step, every dip, every twirl, every giggle along the way. Every face in the crowd, a sea of expressions: disgust, shock, amusement, pride. Chris Hobbes was foaming at the mouth. Daphne cheered them on.

Brian and Justin had an almost-kiss; he then stepped around to seductively peel off Brian's jacket and toss it to a giggling Daphne. Brian slowly dipped him, they moved gracefully across the dance floor, and their dance culminates in a sweet kiss.

_// But don't forget who's taking you home, and in whose arms you're gonna be. // _

Still dancing, still laughing, they wind up in the parking lot, where Brian's Jeep is. "This was the best night of my life," he sighed.

"Even if it was ridiculously romantic." Brian grinned. His deep green eyes got serious as they bore into Justin's. He leaned closer, and they share a slow, soft kiss.

_// So darling, save the last dance for me. // _

"Darling? ...Darling?"

Justin blinks. The postwoman is still there. "Huh? Sorry, zoned out a little."

"S'okay, honey, I was just asking who made these paintings. They're beautiful, especially this one!" she exclaims, pointing to an oil-on-canvas rendition of a tall, brunette man, naked from the waist up, cigarette in hand, staring out the window as the sun rises.

"Oh, that," he says, although he's smiling. "I always have a painting of the same man in each of my collections. They sell ridiculously high every time. I actually have no idea why, though, but I just kept painting them so I'd make good money."

The mailwoman hung around for a little while longer before they bid each other goodbye. After closing up shop, Justin retreated to the back with the package. He was about to open it when his cellphone rang. He thought of Brian, as he did whenever he got a phone call, or an email, or sometimes when he heard the doors of the art gallery swing open.

He often considered just picking up the phone and calling Brian, but every time, he managed to convince himself that it was a bad idea. He didn't want to tie Brian down with the trappings of conventional romance. And Brian wouldn't have wanted him to throw all his potential out the window, just to become some silly 22-year-old hausfrau.

Still, he hoped Brian would call.

"Hello?" he answers.

_"Hey, babe. Just calling to say 'I love you.'" _

As it turns out, the caller is not Brian, but a photographer named Keith, the latest in a string of men Justin's dated for the past three years. Dated, as in monogamous, because Justin had sworn off one-night stands and sex with random people in public places. He remembered the little shards of pain he felt every time he watched Brian fuck someone else, and didn't wish it on himself or anyone else. He broke up with them on minor variations of "you're just not the one." In addition, these men had the tendency to say "I love you" to him a little too early, usually to get in his pants (he had started following a "no sex until the third date" rule). He, however, still loved Brian, just as he said he would.

Was it possible to love someone and be over him at the same time? Justin was determined to find a "yes" for that.

After the call, he shoved his cellphone in his pocket and opened the package. Inside was a Pittsburgh newspaper with a pink Post-It attached. "You won't believe this! Page 14. - Daph" was scribbled on it in Daphne's distinctly large, loopy handwriting. He sat down and flipped through the newspaper until he saw the article on page 14, encircled in pink highlighter.

His eyes widen. "No fucking way!"


	2. Don't Stand So Close to Me

**A/N:** Mari, the first sentence of your review scared the bejesus out of me! Haha well, don't worry. I kind of learned my lesson after experiencing looong bouts of writer's block with my last story, so I finished this whole story before publishing the first chapter. It's only seven chapters long (aww), but I think it's enough. I'll probably publish when each chapter gets enough reviews.

As for the way I ended Chapter One, well, people who are familiar with my work know that I have a penchant for cliffhangers. ;)

Oh, and for the record, the previous chapter was entitled "I'm Always in Love" because Brian and Justin had their own ways of coping, their own versions of "love." For Brian, it was going back to fucking around (with a little help from Brandon), and for Justin, it was trying to start real, serious relationships with guys. Hence, they were "always in love," in a way. I think I'll add chapter title explanations at the A/N of the subsequent chapters. Of course, it's still open to interpretation. Let me know what you think!

This chapter's song is by The Police, and if you don't know it? You should.

* * *

**Chapter 2: Don't Stand So Close To Me**

_Justin listened quietly as Brian, looking ten different shades of pained, recounted the story. One part makes him grin as he remembers: "You turned around, you smiled...and then I knew why Debbie calls you Sunshine."_

"So let me get this straight," Brandon says with his mouth full of moo goo gai pan, "you love him, but you're not gonna do anything about it?"

"Nope. It's better this way," Brian replies, smoke coming out of the corners of his mouth. The two of them are in the living room of Brian's loft, with a small amount of pot and tons of Chinese take-out. "Like that 'Before Sunrise' movie, you know? A great love untarnished by any sort of obligation to call or write or whatever. It ends with a lovely farewell. Then we move on. It's perfect. Besides, long-distance relationships are a shitty idea. I dare you to name one couple that managed to survive that."

"Okay, zero, but you know, there's a real good chance that Jesse and Celine never saw each other again."

"Have you even seen the sequel? They missed their chance once, but nine years later they hooked up again. Even though he had a wife and she had a long-term boyfriend."

Brandon pops a dumpling into his mouth and reaches for a joint. "Still, how…depressing your life sort of is. You're practically 40 and still pining for the same guy after all these years."

"36, and I'm _not_ pining for anyone! Loving someone is different from pining. How pathetic."

"Yeah, right," he snorts. "And in case you forgot, you're turning 37 tomorrow. So sad, yet another birthday without your Sunshine."

"I'll manage."

"Not that I know anything about it, but you only experience great love once in your life. I can't believe you're letting this slip right through your fingers!"

"You now, I suddenly regret telling you all about Justin."

"I don't blame you," Brandon replies, exhaling smoke. "You were high."

"Ooo-kay. Anyway, what about you? 'Pining for' anyone?"

"I don't do boyfriends," he proudly says.

Brian laughs, a knowing look on his features. "You say that now."

* * *

Justin stares, dumbstruck, at the article's headline. _"Kinnetik buys out Vanguard; opens firm in New York."_ There is a picture of Brian standing in front of a large building. The one thing that strikes him the most about it, however, is that Brian is wearing his wedding ring on the right hand, just like he does. 

This stays on his mind well into the evening, when the art exhibit and auction starts. He meanders through the gallery, wondering if Brian was in New York at this very moment. He was so lost in thought that he accidentally bumped into the mousy redhead in front of him. "Sorry, didn't see you there."

"D-don't worry about it," the small woman stutters, readjusting the thick-rimmed glasses on her face. _She looks kind of familiar,_ Justin thinks.

"Wait, I know you! You were here at my last two exhibits, the one who bought my paintings of that guy," he says, pointing at his latest painting of Brian. "You know him?"

"No! No, no, don't mind me, I'll go look at the other lovely paintings," she mumbles, scurrying away.

_Ah, so Brian has stalkers. Go figure._

His phone rings. He answers to find that, once again, it isn't Brian.

* * *

"Come on, it'll be good for you!" Brandon insists, dragging his reluctant companion by his white scarf -- he wore that scarf every birthday -- towards the Babylon entrance. It took Brandon a massive amount of effort to convince him that spending his 37th birthday partying the night away was a far better idea than staying at home with cigarettes, booze, ecstasy, and another go at autoerotic asphyxiation. "It's better to get drunk, get high, and get laid with your friends and other hot guys around." 

"To make me feel older than I already am?" Brian sighs, but follows him anyway. As the two of them step inside, the music stops immediately. Everyone turns toward them.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BRIAN!" they yell as a banner unfolds from the ceiling reading the very same thing.

Brian tries unsuccessfully to suppress a grin. "I thank you all for not including my age on that banner." They laugh as the gang comes up to hug him. "Hey, the munchers are here! How nice of you to join us."

"Happy birthday," Lindsay chirps, giving him a kiss on the cheek.

Michael steps in. "So anyway, Brandon and I got you something. I made the phone call…"

"And I booked the plane ticket," Brandon adds. "Everyone?"

As Brandon says this, the crowd, Michael and Brandon included, backs away from Brian. The strains of a familiar song start to play. Someone is making his way through the crowd. Brian smiles as he recognizes him. "Black turtleneck, matching pants, longish hair," he remarks. "How very…starving artist. Kinda hot."

"I'm fine, thanks for asking," Justin laughs as he leads him to the middle of the dance floor.

"This song sounds familiar."

"It's the Michael Bublé version, but I like it just the same." They start to dance.

_// Oh, I know that the music's fine, like sparkling wine, go and have your fun. //_

Then it hits Brian: "Wait…you remember?"

"I remember. It came on the radio yesterday and someone mentioned dancing and…yeah."

"So…no particular reaction?"

"Boy, Chris Hobbes had a _major _crush on me," he jokes. "But seriously, it _was_ the best night of my life. That hasn't changed."

_// Laugh and sing, but while we're apart, don't give your heart to anyone. //_

Then comes the part where Justin hooks one leg around Brian and lets himself be dipped backward. When they dance, the rest of the world disappears. Though his looks have changed a bit, Brian can see that the sparkle in Justin's blue eyes never left.

"I still love you," Brian whispers, sure that nobody else can hear them.

"It'll be our little secret." When he is back on both feet, he breathes, "I love you too."

_// But don't forget who's taking you home, and in whose arms you're gonna be. So darling, save the last dance for me. //_

The crowd applauds as the dance ends, and the _thumpa-thumpa_ of the club music fades in. Brian and Justin escape through a side exit. They find a quiet corner to share a cigarette, as Justin runs his fingers through the familiar white scarf. Brian leans in, and they kiss. It starts out as light and sweet, but then there is more passion, more wanting. The smaller man softens in the other's arms. When Brian's hands reach the button of Justin's trousers, Justin backs away.

"What do you think you're doing?" he pants.

"What does it _look_ like I'm doing?"

"I know, I know, but I…have a boyfriend. And I'm only here for the night."

"Well, a) That's never stopped us before, and b) One night is enough time to…" he trails off, smirking.

"Damn it, Brian, I didn't come here for that! I just wanted to dance! And talk."

"Talk?"

"Talk. See how things are going. Like, I'd tell you that I own an art gallery, which I bought with my _Rage_ earnings. And that I hooked up with my roommate once, but now we're just friends. I could say that the hand tremors I'd been having have finally stopped, i.e. no more gimp hand. You know, catch up on old times."

Brian crosses his arms and eyes him, unconvinced. "As if we were ever like that. You said you still loved me."

"I do," he answers, "but I've moved on. Haven't you? I thought you were with that Brandon guy."

"We're just friends. With benefits. But you…you were different." Brian steps closer, eyes dark with wanting. Knowing he would have given in easily otherwise, Justin quickly retreats.

"I have to go, Brian. It was nice to see you again." They share a short but lingering kiss, and Justin finally walks away. Once he's at a safe distance, he looks back, and he can only see the small ember of a lit cigarette through the mist.


	3. Alone and Easy Target

**A/N: **Last chapter was "Don't Stand So Close to Me," a reference to Justin's sudden proximity to Brian. When Justin showed up, it made Brian realize how much he missed him and wanted him back. Hence, Justin bailed on him, because he was a wee bit too close. Not to say that Justin doesn't miss Brian, either, but the whole concept scares him.

Jess, you know the feeling where you really, really want to do something, but you know it's not right? That's how Justin felt, kissing Brian. Here was the man he'd been pining for over the span of three years, in front of him, wanting to kiss him. What's a boy to do, right? And he just couldn't say "no" -- not at that particular moment, anyway. But don't you worry about poor Brian! I promise you good things will come. :D I hope you keep reading to find out!

Ch. 3 song is by my favorite band ever, the Foo Fighters. Yay!

* * *

**Chapter 3: Alone + Easy Target**

_"It always is," Justin retorts when Brian tells him that it's time to leave. He kisses him on the cheek. "Luckily, you can't push me away. I'm on to you."_

Brandon notices the distraught look on Brian's face. "If you're having second thoughts, feel free to chuck them out the car window right now! We have a million reasons to go, and no reason not to. I could use the vacation, and you could use it too, among other things. Just think: New York is a whole new place, one that actually has people you haven't fucked yet!"

"Well, I am going to miss old Pittsburgh, believe it or not."

"Going back is always an option. Just not right now, or else I'll strangle you. Why settle for The Pitts when you've got the Big Apple?"

"But what is poor widdle Pittsburgh going to do without its secondary top dog? Secondary to _me,_ of course."

"It'll suffer for a little while." Both hands still on the wheel, Brandon yells out the car window: "New Yooooork!"

* * *

The dark shades Justin has on shield his eyes from the midday sun. He was waiting for an employee to show up and start her shift at the gallery so that he could go out and have lunch. The cigarette in his hand emits wisps of smoke, yet he hadn't taken a single drag. Surprisingly, his break-up with Keith didn't bother him all that much. Keith had been hired for some big-name magazine in Australia, and so he had to move there permanently. He suggested trying it long-distance, but Justin insisted that it was a bad idea. 

However, the break-up was not why he was so preoccupied.

His mind kept racing back to that quiet corner outside Babylon, that night a week ago. As it turns out, Brian missed him more than he had expected. Or he was just really horny. But according to what Michael had been telling him over the phone, Brian was just not the type who got really horny anymore.

What could it possibly have meant?

"Justin? Justin?"

_Christ, how many times have I zoned out this week?_ he thought, only now realizing that someone had been trying to get his attention for about a full minute. He drank in the sight of an attractive man about the same age as him, wearing a green sweater. The dark, curly locks and brooding eyes looked rather familiar.

Justin squints as he lifts his sunglasses. "Do I know you?"

The stranger laughs. "Justin, it's me. Ethan Gold."

"Ethan?" _Ethan who? _Justin thinks for a while before he finally recalls. "Ah, Ethan with the violin. Fancy seeing you here."

"New York is the last stop on my tour. A friend told me you have a gallery here, so I thought I'd come have a look." He bends down and kisses Justin's hand, oblivious to the fact that Justin is rolling his eyes. "You're as beautiful as I remember."

"Uh…thank you?" He thought Ethan was being immensely cheesy, although was aware of the fact that he was still pretty hot. "Did you want to see the gallery, then?"

"Actually, I wanted to ask you to have lunch with me. There's a perfect little bistro not too far from here, and their lasagna is to die for."

He drops the cigarette on the sidewalk and puts it out with his shoe. "What if the paparazzi show up and accuse you of being gay?"

"I came out," Ethan replies, much to Justin's surprise. "Finally did it last year. My publicist was livid, but then my sales got an unexpected boost. Apparently, the gay demographic was larger than he expected. So what do you say? You, me, Italian food? My treat."

_Free food with a cute guy? _"Why not," Justin replies as he sees his employee walking across the street to the gallery. Ethan reaches forward to take Justin's hand, but Justin is quick to pull it away and cross his arms.

At the restaurant, they talk about how Ethan gets to work with some of classical music's finest artists, and how once, he had a quickie with a supposedly straight pop-opera singer backstage before a concert. They talk about Justin's career as a gallery owner and artist. After he pays for the meal and they leave the bistro to go back to the gallery, Ethan asks about Brian.

"Three years ago, I left for New York. He stayed in Pittsburgh," he explains rather curtly.

Ethan reaches for his hand again, and Justin's too polite to pull it away a second time. "If that were me, Justin, I would never have let you go. Either I'd convince you to stay with me, or I'd follow you all the way here. I'd give up my world to be with you."

"Are you like this with every guy you meet?" Justin laughs. "Seriously, how long has it been? Five years? You ought to be over it by now."

"It was four years, actually. You were always the one that got away. The one I think about. In any case, I'm glad Brian's out of the picture. You were too good for him, anyway. He was insensitive, abusive, cold --"

"Please don't talk about Brian like that." He recalls the longing, almost desperate look in Brian's eyes that night in the corner outside Babylon.

"I get why you were with him, though. It's because you always want what you can't have."

"Excuse me?" he coughs, letting go of Ethan's hand.

"Justin, you are young, beautiful, and smart. You could have any man you want, but you settle for the one who treats you like shit."

He's getting more and more uncomfortable with this conversation. "Ethan, please."

"No, do go on," comes a voice from behind him. "I find your opinions to be quite interesting." They turn around, and upon recognition, Ethan scowls and Justin stares with his jaw hanging.

"Brian!"

"Brian?"

"Hello, Justin. And hello, friend of Justin. Why, whatever happened to the other boyfriend? Kyle?"

"You have a boyfriend? Why didn't you tell me?"

"_Keith_ and I are not together anymore. And what do you mean _other_ boyfriend? I just met up with Ethan today. He was in the neighborhood for a tour."

Ethan ignores Brian, and hands Justin his calling card. "As I was saying. Justin, I don't care if I'm coming on too strong. If you ever decide to give me a second chance, it would mean the world to me if you'd call. I'd stop whatever I was doing, I'd fly halfway across the world, I'd do anything if you would just give me a ring." He then takes his leave, his shoulder bumping against Brian's as he does so.

To Brian's chagrin, Justin pockets the card. "Please tell me you were just being polite."

"What can I say? He's rather charming, in his own weird way," he chuckles. "Anyway, Brian, what the hell are you doing here?"

"I was in the neighborhood."

He exhales sharply and pinches the bridge of his nose. "No, _really._"

"I live here."

Justin stares at him wide-eyed, and says nothing.

"Now if you'll excuse me for just a second..." Brian runs after Ethan, and Justin follows him to see what he's up to. "Ian! Yoo-hoo!"

Ethan turns around. "What do you want?"

"Look, I know you came to New York for Sunshine. Well, so did I." He steps closer, and they have a stare-down.

"You came here for _me_?" Justin whispers, but neither of them hear him.

"Bullshit. You just wanted to show me up. You're so fucking insecure that you always have to prove to yourself that you're better than everybody else."

"Gee, Mister, it sounds so gosh-darn awful when you put it like _that_," Brian mocks. His tone gets serious. "In any case, I am not going down without a fight."

Ethan smiles at Brian in a rather sinister way. "Why, Kinney, is that a challenge?"

"You bet your pretentious little ass it is."

"Well, you're on."

Justin glares incredulously at the both of them. "What are you guys, fucking nine? Jesus!"

"How else do you expect us to settle this?"

"Unless you've already made up your mind," Brian suggests, one eyebrow raised. "Me or him?"

"And don't even think about a threesome. Brian, you're hot, but you're so not my type."

"You two are un-fucking-believable," Justin mumbles, stalking off. "I'm not interested in either of you!"

They watch him leave. Brian turns to Ethan. "He _so_ didn't mean that."

"And if he did, I'm about to change that."

"Not if I do it first!"


	4. The Denial Twist

**A/N:** I picked "Alone + Easy Target" for last chapter's title since it's a good description of Justin's situation. Brian and Ethan thought they had it easy, that they could win Justin back just by showing up -- until they saw each other. As it turns out, he's not such an easy target after all. And that means double the fun for us!

Anyway, moving on. This is probably my favorite chapter in the whole story. I'm really proud of the interactions and character growth included here. Hope you like it too. :)

Chapter song by the fantabulous White Stripes, a great rock band forever and ever!

* * *

**Chapter 4: The Denial Twist**

_"You know, you can't control everyone's life, even though you'd like to."_

_"Obviously," Brian retorts. "You're still here."_

_"Being mean to me has never really worked. You should try another tactic," Justin whispers, then starts kissing Brian's neck. When asked what he's doing, he replies, "I'm killing you with kindness."_

As stupid as he thought this Brian-Ethan "duel" was, Justin could definitely see that it had its perks.

_"Hello? You've got two hot guys battling for your affection,"_ Daphne gushes over the phone. _"Life doesn't get any better than that!"_

"And there _is_ the free food. I can't remember the last time I paid for my own meal." His blue-and-black striped scarf flaps in the wind as he strolls down the street.

_"Exactly! So what's the problem?"_

"For starters, I feel kinda guilty," he admits. "And also...I haven't made a decision yet."

_"Really? I thought you'd love Brian for the rest of your life."_

"Yeah, but I mean, it wouldn't be fair if I didn't give Ethan a chance after all he's done for me. He is sweet, you know. When he's not being all competitive or anything."

_"Well, you'll figure something out. Hey, gotta go. Hot date with the drool-worthy co-worker I was telling you about, can you believe it?"_

"Don't do anything I wouldn't do," he teases, then clicks his cellphone shut. As he turns the corner, he can hear violin music playing from a distance. Once he arrives at the gallery, he sees where it's coming from: Ethan is playing for him on the rooftop. Golden light from the setting sun illuminating his features makes the scene even more romantic.

"The sunset is beautiful, but it's nothing compared to the way you're smiling at me right now," Ethan calls out while playing.

"Have I ever told you how nauseatingly corny you are?"

"Yes, a million times," he laughs. "It won't stop me, though."

Justin stands there for a while to enjoy it. Then, a pair of hands coming from behind cover his eyes. Justin feels them to try and guess who it is, and it immediately hits him once he feels the ring on the right hand. He chooses to play dumb. "Come on, get your hands off of me, whoever you are."

The violin stops. "It's not hard to guess, Justin," Ethan sighs from the roof.

"Where are you taking me?" Justin says as feels himself being pushed forward, and starts walking in that direction. He hears the gallery's glass door swing open. "Seriously, cut it out!"

Immediately, his eyes are assaulted by a flash of various colors, all around his gallery. It is lit only by moving, colored light strobes, not unlike the ones at Babylon. There's an open bar to the right, and club music is playing. There are people wearing party hats everywhere, surrounding the both of them.

"SURPRISE!"

Stunned, he turns around to face Brian, who's smiling. "Happy birthday, Sunshine."

"You did this? For me?"

"God, no, I did it for some other guy named Justin who owns this art gallery."

Unable to hold back his excitement, he runs toward Brian and kisses him. It lasts a little bit longer than he planned it to, though.

"Now that's what we all miss seeing!" yells a familiar raspy female voice, followed by her signature laugh.

"Debbie? Linz, Mel, Ted, Emmett?" Justin wonders, amazed as he hugs each of them. "Brian, you really pulled out all the stops here!" It was most certainly a trade-up from that time Brian got him a naked man when he turned 19.

"It's a little 'thank you' for showing up at mine."

"Michael and Ben couldn't make it. They're back home to celebrate Ben's birthday," Emmett explains, "but we're here, baby!"

Brian briefly leaves Justin to dance and catch up on old times with the Pittsburgh gang, and heads through the stairs to the roof, where he spots Ethan crouching dejectedly with his violin. Although Ethan is facing the other way, he can tell Brian by his shadow. "Five years, and I'm upstaged once again," he sighs. "Things never really change, do they?"

He sits down beside Ethan and looks at the rising moon. "It's his birthday. He deserves this."

"I know. Well, I didn't know it was his birthday, but yeah, I know he deserves to be happy. I just wanted to surprise him with something sweet and romantic, and less than five minutes later, my efforts are thwarted."

"You were always the nicer one," Brian admits.

"Yet you were the one he forgave time and time again." Ethan finds a rock and chucks it off the roof. "Remember that time you told me, 'There's nothing noble about being poor?' I took it to heart."

"I kinda did that to get Justin back."

Ethan manages a small chuckle. "Yeah, I realized that right after he and I broke up."

"It's good that you found success, though. I read in the papers about how you came out last year. That's pretty noble."

"Thanks." Silence fills the air between them for a while, as they look onto the street, dimly lit by a few street lamps. "So, Brian, why are you doing this? Moving to New York to win an old flame back...it's not a very Brian thing to do."

"Yeah? Did you hear that we were about to get married, right before he left for New York?" Brian pulls a pack of cigarettes out from the pocket of his leather jacket. He offers one to Ethan, and then takes one himself.

"No shit? I have no idea who you are," Ethan laughs.

"I had...feelings...for him. And they didn't go away. That's why I'm doing this."

"Why did he leave you for New York, then?"

"I didn't want to hold him down. He was only 22, he had so much ahead of him. This -- being an artist -- it's what he really wants, and I can't deny him that."

"Wow." Ethan takes a long drag from the cigarette, and exhales slowly. "You must really love him."

Brian doesn't answer, and instead turns the topic on Ethan. "Why are _you_ doing this?"

"It's been five years, and he still pops up in my thoughts," he says. "Of all the guys I've been with, he's the only one who ever really inspired me. So I figured he must be the one."

"That makes sense. Kind of." He watches the smoke rise up from one end of his cigarette. "But why did you cheat on him?"

"I admit, I can be weak-willed at times. But that doesn't mean I can't change, and I think Justin is worth it."

"Fair enough," Brian remarks, and extends his hand. Ethan shakes it. "May the best man win."

"Indeed."

"Come on, you should go down and greet the birthday boy." Brian stands up, and Ethan follows suit. What they hadn't noticed was that Justin was eavesdropping through the slightly-open door for the latter part of their conversation, and once he saw them get up, he quickly scampered back down the stairs.

* * *

At Justin's request, both men showed up at the gallery in the late afternoon, only one day after his birthday party. He sat on the counter, facing them. "It's been a week." 

"You've made a decision?" Ethan asks hopefully.

"Nope."

"You've decided you don't want either of us?" Brian considers.

"Nope."

Ethan grimaces. "A threesome?"

"...Nope."

"Then what?"

"I can't decide."

"We can see that," Brian snorts.

"Yes, so I thought I'd throw a real clincher in your little pissing contest. I want a loving, monogamous relationship with someone who values me."

"We can do that," they both insist.

"Well, I'm giving you a chance to prove it. From this point on, the two of you will forgo sex with anyone at all. No kissing, no blowjobs, no fucking. Whoever stays celibate longer, gets me." He grins at them both, studying their poker faces. The gallery is silent.

"That's...kinda dumb," Brian finally remarks.

"But it makes sense," Ethan says. "I mean, infidelity is why we screwed up with you in the first place, right?"

Justin nods. "Right. So, are you in or out?"

"I'm in. I can totally do it."

"Me too," Brian adds. "Piece of cake."

At this, the two boys burst into laughter. "Yeah, right!"

* * *

**A/N: **Oooh! If you'll remember my first A/N, I mentioned that I incorporated a couple of _Grey's Anatomy _storylines into this fic. As of this chapter, there are two (that I know of). Bonus points if you can guess what they are! Hee-hee.

Anyway, attention: QAF UK fans! I need your help! I have a Justin/Nathan fic in the works (because they're both so hot!), but there is one teeny-tiny hitch: I've never seen a single episode of QAF: UK. I plan to get the DVD sometime, but it may take me a while, so this is where you come in. If you have the time, I would love it if you could private message me with a detailed character sketch of Nathan (habits, characteristics, etc). From what I've read online and seen on YouTube, I got the impression that he starts out all Justin-like in personality, but they totally diverge as the series goes on. To me, Nathan seems more feisty, immature, petulant...but in a charming way. Like a more exaggerated early-S1 Justin, but something tells me Nathan will never turn into a sensitive-artist type.

Hope you can help me out! Thanks!


	5. No Tomorrow

**A/N:** Hi, everyone! Sorry I took this long. Keep in mind, though, that the faster the reviews come in, the sooner the next chapter comes. Reviews are much needed! Oh, and I still need help with my Justin/Nathan story.

Last chapter, "The Denial Twist," was obviously entitled as such because we are introduced to the new plot _twist _that Justin throws in, where Brian and Ethan are _denied_ sex for an indefinite amount of time. Hence, it's the denial twist! Haha lame, I know. Oh, and this chapter's song is by Orson. Enjoy!

* * *

**Chapter 5: No Tomorrow**

_Only blue lights illuminate the room where Brian is pedaling away at his stationary bike. It baffles Justin as to why he insists on working out at such ungodly hours. "Why the secrecy?"_

_"Because I don't want people like you saying, 'You can't, you mustn't.' I don't want every cunty faggot who goes to the gym saying, 'Poor Kinney, told you so.'"_

_"I have to hand it to you, your perserverance is surpassed only by your narcissism."_

_"And there you have the secret to my success."_

"But I'm _really_ horny!" Brandon whines as he throws himself on top of Brian.

"So am I," he grumbles, pushing him off, "but I can't. But what better way to spend your two-month leave than to go bar-hopping? There's unchartered booty galore in the neighborhood clubs, go get your rocks off there."

"Come with me?"

"Brandon, please don't tempt me."

He takes his jacket off the chair and pulls it on. "What is _with_ you today? Did someone spike your Kool Aid or something?"

"I wish," Brian sighs. "Justin said he'd go out with whoever can stay celibate longer."

"How petty," Brandon sniffs. "Well, you're up against a hot-shot musician with tons of groupies, so I'd say you have a chance. But considering that it's _you_..."

Brian rolls his eyes. "Don't forget, I lasted a month without sex before I met you."

"I know, I know, no need to thank me. Are you sure you don't want to go? It's not like he's gonna find out or anything."

"Nah. I'm a man of my word."

"Anyway, I'm on your side," Brandon assures him, and kisses his cheek before leaving. "I'm off to Adonis for some wild, hot sex...blow jobs...gang-banging...orgies...all that good stuff..." his voice fades away, and the door swings shut.

"Asshole!"

* * *

"This is nice," Justin sighs, taking in the view of children running around, cotton candy, popcorn, balloons, carousels, and sunlight blanketing everything. 

Brian scrunches up his nose as they pass by the corndog stand. "I can smell the millions of extra calories already."

"I think it's great that we can all get along and spend a whole day without being at each other's throats." Ethan grins at Brian, who rolls his eyes in response.

Many wary parents wondered what three grown men were doing at a carnival without any company. It would have been understandable if they were dragged along by nagging girlfriends, or taking their kids with them, but it was just the three of them. The carnival was a dubious place to score chicks. Usually the women who went here were taken. And why were they holding each other like that? Two dark haired men flanking a blond, the taller brunette with his arm across the blond's shoulder, and the other with his arm around his waist.

A gaggle of skimpily-clad teenage girls who spot them start giggling incessantly and grinning at each other. "Fucking homophobes," Brian mutters.

"Um, I don't think so," Ethan muses, as a blonde in a bra top, accompanied by her similarly dressed brunette friend, walks toward them. "I think they're checking us out."

"Hey, boys," she coos in her overly girlified voice. "Come hang out with us!"

Brian, Justin, and Ethan look at each other nervously. Ethan lets go of Justin's waist, and puts his hand on his shoulder in a more macho-looking pose. "Uh, well..."

"We can't," Justin replies. "Our girlfriends would kill us."

"And I got me a wife n' young'un waitin' at home," Brian adds in faux-hillbilly accent. "Can't go runnin' off with you pretty young things, now."

"Never stopped us before." The brunette winks at them.

Ethan pretends to spot someone in the distance. "Oh, look! There's Jenny, waving at us. I think she wants us to join her. See ya, girls!"

They quickly stalk off, leaving the girls high and dry. Brian stops at the ring toss. "Hey! I used to rock at this back in high school."

"A long, long, long, long, long time ago," Ethan retorts as Justin stifles a giggle.

When the ring lands on the pole, though, he faces them with a condescending smirk. "I'd like to see you try, pansy boy."

He shrugs and steps up to the counter as the man behind it hands Brian a stuffed toy. Brian gives it to a chubby little girl who had been watching him. She smiles widely at him and runs off with it, and Justin's expression softens a little at this scene. He hadn't even noticed that Ethan won the ring toss as well.

Ethan gives him the stuffed elephant and grins at Brian. "Pansy boy, eh?"

"I wouldn't hold on to that if I were you, Sunshine. They might think we're gay," Brian mock-whispers as he holds a cigarette between his lips and lights it. The ring-toss guy laughs a little.

Later on in the day, they stop by the ferris wheel. The two turn to face Justin. "What?"

"Only two people can ride the ferris wheel. Who do you want to go with?"

"Oh." He gazes up at the large ride, and all the happy couples riding. "Um. I don't know."

Brian pushes on his sunglasses and steps back. "You guys have fun."

"Really? You'd do that?"

"Ferris wheels are for pansy boys," he jokes.

"Your loss," says Ethan. "The view is amazing at dusk."

Justin looks back and mouths "Thank you," and Brian smiles back. While Ethan isn't looking, Brian reaches forward and squeezes Justin's ass, causing Justin to laugh and redden a little as he follows Ethan to the line for tickets. Grinning, Brian pulls a fresh cigarette out of his pocket and holds it between his lips, unmindful of the wary glances passersby cast upon him.

Ethan holds Justin's hand the whole time, and they enjoy the view. Justin can't help stealing glances below every once in a while, seeing Brian gaze at the sunset, cigarette in hand.

* * *

His teeth sink into the bagel Ethan has brought him this morning. It was the routine; he was with Ethan during the mornings, and Brian at night (but not doing _that_ – they mostly go clubbing). It was convenient, after all, since Brian had to work during the daytime, and Ethan's performances were usually evening events. "So, you've passed the one week mark," he says. "How are you holding up?" 

"It's...tough," Ethan replies, setting the coffee cups down on the counter. "But every day is a step closer to when you'll be mine once again."

"I wouldn't be so sure. When Brian wants something, he really goes for it. Only, I don't even know if he's really in this for me...or just for the competition."

"Well, _I'm_ definitely in it for you."

Justin laughs. "Really? Maybe you're just here because it was convenient for you. New York being the last stop on your tour and all."

"New York was the last stop because I insisted that it be so. I had quite a time convincing management that it was for the best."

"I'm...flattered? Amazed is more like it."

Ethan places a hand over his. "Don't be. I don't regret making the effort. I do have one question, however."

"That being?"

"How could you have such a tough time choosing between us? Nothing against Brian, but he and I are two very different people. I can't see how you could like both of us at the same time."

"Apples and oranges, you know. You're both very sweet to me, in your own ways. And as stupid as this method of deciding looks on paper, it still sort of makes sense. I want to see which one of you _really_ thinks I'm worth the wait."

"Fair enough."

Justin changes the subject. "When's your next tour?"

"January."

"That's six months away," Justin notes with slight disappointment.

"But if you choose me, I'll always make time for you. _And_ I've sworn off groupies," he adds.

"Promise?"

"Promise." They smile at each other.

* * *

Cynthia is at her desk, doodling as the clock hits 8:30 a.m. Kinnetik NY's doors burst open, the tinted sunglasses and all-black outfit undeniably characteristic of their wearer. His punctuality, however, is not. "Why, Brian, you're early." 

"I've been working on some ideas last night."

She's puzzled. "But you...don't normally...do that."

"I had time to kill," Brian repsonds with a shrug.

"You _never_ have time to kill. What's going on, Brian? Are you sick or something? Another STD?"

"Nothing, no, and God, no." He grimaces. "Come on, help me set up the conference room."

Two hours later, they hold a conference with their latest client, a cosmetics company. There is a handsome though bookish, seemingly straight WASP-y man seated two chairs away from where Brian is standing. When the conference ends, he asks Cynthia where the washroom is and casts a lingering glance at Brian. Brian remains stoic as the man exits the room.

"Well, Brian," Cynthia goads, "isn't it time for you to visit the restroom?"

He blinks, rolling the cherry lollipop he has in his mouth. "I don't really need to pee."

She moves to shut the door and stands in front of him, crossing her arms. "Okay, Kinney, spill it."

"Nothing to spill," he replies. Seeing as she was still unconvinced, Brian finally relents. "It's Justin."

"He chose Ethan? That prick!"

"No, he didn't. He said he couldn't decide, so he'd just go with the one who can avoid boning other guys longer."

"Ah, that explains your sudden need for lollipops and cigarettes," she giggles.

"I have an oral fixation." He pulls the lollipop out from his mouth and chucks it in the trash can. "But the weird thing is, this challenge isn't as hard --"

"We'll let that remark pass."

"...As I thought it was. I guess I'm not as into it as I used to be."

"No shit," she snorts. "You haven't been since three years ago."

"Once a week isn't _that_ prudish, you know."

"But compared to your old habits, honey, it definitely is."

He merely glares at her. They both hear the doors swing open, and turn to see who it is. "Ah, my lunch date's here."

"And he's cute," Cynthia remarks.

"Hi, Justin. You look good."

"Thanks. You ready?"

"A minute," Brian replies, seeing that the hot guy from the conference has left the restroom. "I gotta take a piss."

"Brian's office is that way, make yourself comfortable," she tells Justin after Brian takes off.

He notices the receptionist: a small woman in her early twenties, with red hair and thick-rimmed glasses. She looks familiar, but Justin can't quite remember where, so he heads on to Brian's office. It's twice as large as his Pittsburgh one. All the facilities seem to be the same, but the walls are almost entirely covered in paintings. _His_ paintings. Of Brian. Every one of them, up until the latest. He looks around in awe.

"Why, oh why, did I forget to tell Cynthia to lock the door?" Brian says in a withering tone.

"So _that's_ how I know your receptionist. And this whole time, I thought she was your stalker."

"Surprise, surprise." He draws nearer. Their faces are close enough to touch.

"Brian...what does this mean?"

He traces his finger down the side of Justin's cheek. "It means that I'm an even bigger narcissist than you thought."


	6. A Song for You

**A/N:** I extended this story from 7 to 8 chapters! This is the one I added after I finished the story, because I thought the ending felt a little rushed. Song is by Donny Hathaway.

So why did I call last chapter "No Tomorrow?" There's no deep meaning behind it, I just thought the title felt right because Brian and Ethan both had nothing left to lose when it came to Justin.

* * *

**Chapter 6: A Song for You**

_"Why are you doing this?"_

_"What, driving with no hands?" Brian jokes, taking his hands off the steering wheel._

_"No, why are you letting me stay with you?"_

_"Why do you care? Isn't this what you wanted?"_

_Justin grins cheekily. "I know why. It's because you love me, madly, passionately, deeply. Just like I always suspected."_

"You have a visitor," Cynthia announces, with a knowing smile she reserved for certain occasions.

Brian struggles to keep a poker face on as Justin enters his office. "A little early for tonight's date, aren't you?"

"I, uh...I'm gonna have to take a rain check tomorrow. Ethan's concert starts at 6 p.m., and he wants to celebrate with me in his suite afterwards."

If Brian's face fell a bit just then, Justin couldn't tell, because he quickly replaced it with a too-bright grin. "Just keep it G-rated, okay?"

"Well, there might be some drinking," Justin laughs. "Thank you so much, Brian. I knew you'd understand."

"Tell Paganini Jr., though," Brian adds, standing up and approaching Justin, "to cancel his little lunch date with you the day after. I want you from mid-day until the evening."

"But that's a Friday. Don't you have work?"

He kisses Justin affectionately on the forehead. "I'll take the day off. You drop by my place, we'll have some Italian food, and find ways to pass the time." Though Brian meant it in a non-sexual way (that was a first), Justin went a little weak at the knees -- Brian was actually taking the day off for him.

Justin smiles his Sunshine-y smile. "I would love to." Another thing he would have loved to do at that moment was kiss Brian. He stands there, back against the wall, while Brian stands in front of him. It would have been perfect; all Brian had to do was lean just a little bit closer...

"I'll see you on Friday then," Brian sing-songs, giving Justin a chaste kiss on the cheek and heading back to his desk. Justin leaves, disappointed. Friday seemed so far away.

On his way out, Justin sees a familiar blond walking in with two cups of latte. The blond spots Justin and approaches with a smile. "You're Justin, right? I'm Brandon."

"Yeah, we met at the airport, you drove me to Babylon. Nice to see you again."

"So...what were you doing in there?" he inquires, tilting his head towards Brian's office door.

"Just rescheduling a date with Brian."

"Right. Listen," Brandon says, inching his face closer and glaring at Justin in what appears to be a semi-threatening way, "I have known that man for a great deal of the past three years, and it is craaa-zy, how badly he's pined for you. So go ahead, make him jump through as many hoops as you want to, maybe he deserves it a little bit because he can be quite the asshole, but I don't want to see Brian get hurt, so I am warning you right now, Justin: you break his heart, I'll break your face. Understood?"

Justin nods silently.

Brandon steps back and grins widely. "Great. Have a nice day!" he chirps, and enters Brian's office.

* * *

He wonders how it's possible that anyone could do that, and make it look so easy. He looks around at everyone else in the large auditorium, an audience populated by many well-dressed men and women, in addition to Ethan's queer fanbase, and sees that they are just as amazed. 

The center of their attention, Ethan, ends the song. The crowd applauds with much enthusiasm. "Thank you. My last song, which I wrote five years ago, is entitled 'The One That Got Away.'" From his seat in the front row, Justin can clearly see Ethan wink at him. Justin giggles. "I made a crazy mistake years ago, when I was a wild, horny youth. Unfortunately, what I did drove my muse away, and I never saw him again. I hated myself for being such an idiot, and I was feeling so horrible that I decided to put all my feelings of regret and self-loathing into this song, because during the times when I had no one...I had music." A flamboyantly-dressed queen a couple of rows behind Justin bursts into tears. Justin bites back a laugh. Ethan starts bowing a very melancholy tune, while Justin gets lost in thought.

He still didn't know who he wanted to be with. If Ethan really meant it when he said he'd never cheat on him again, then they definitely have a good shot at making it together. And Ethan was much more romantic and vocal about his feelings, and petty as it might have been for some people, Justin needed to know that he was loved. But Brian is...Brian. And he also maintained that he was willing to change, and for real this time. Would he have moved to New York for Justin if he didn't mean it? Brian was not the kind who made empty promises.

If Ethan could outlast Brian, then there would be a good chance that he wouldn't stray when they got back together. With Brian, Justin would be taking a much bigger risk. What if Brian wanted to go back to their old arrangement? Justin remembered something he said to Michael years ago: "I don't want to wait. I want a boyfriend who'll only want to be with me, who wants to stay home every once in a while, who at least gets jealous when some other guy is sucking my dick right in front of him." And Michael had replied, "That's not Brian, it never will be."

Basically, choosing between Ethan and Brian was choosing between playing it safe and rolling the dice, and Justin was still undecided. The tough thing about it was, if things didn't work out between Justin and whoever won, he couldn't go running to the other. Nobody likes being sloppy seconds.

Ethan ends the song with a final, masterful stroke of the violin, and the audience bursts into a standing ovation. After the concert, Justin and Ethan head back to Ethan's hotel suite. "You really wrote a song about me?" Justin asks, swirling the wine around in his glass.

Setting aside his violin, Ethan sits down beside Justin on the couch. "In all my life, I've only had one muse."

"But Ethan, how many real relationships have you had?"

"Some. I even tried shacking up with that...fan...from before, but it didn't work out. None of those guys meant as much to me as you did."

Justin smiles, touched. "Seriously? So it wasn't just the craziness that comes with being a teenager?"

"Who knows? Who cares? If it was, I can't tell, because I'm just as crazy now." He leans forward to kiss Justin. Justin quickly pulls back.

"I -- we can't."

"What's the matter? Brian doesn't have to know. It'll be our little secret."

Justin remembers that night three weeks ago when he danced with Brian.

_"I still love you," Brian whispers, sure that nobody else can hear them._

_"It'll be our little secret." When he is back on both feet, he breathes, "I love you too."_

He bites his lower lip. Ethan was right; it would be so easy to just kiss him then and there. Brian didn't have to know. Ethan sat there, watching Justin with a patient smile.

But the thing is...Justin doesn't really want to. "Uh, it just wouldn't be fair to Brian." He places his hand over Ethan's. "I'm sorry."

"Never mind. It _is_ cheating, anyway," he sighs, leaning back into the sofa. "But something tells me you'd act differently if you were with Brian. You keep bringing him up whenever we're together."

"Ethan..."

"Are you even over him?"

"Well, I wouldn't have such a tough time deciding if I was," Justin mumbles.

"But you were over me."

"I --"

"Come on, Justin, you could barely remember who I was when we talked outside your gallery. When Brian showed up, though, you had the whole puppydog-eyed thing going."

"I'm giving you a chance here, Ethan! Cut me some slack!"

"I wonder if I even _have _a chance."

Justin exhales sharply and stares into his wine glass. "Well, are you going to quit now?"

Ethan thinks it over. "Only if you want me to."

"I don't want you to."

"Then let's just see what happens." He smiles. "So I have a chance?"

"You definitely have a chance," Justin replies, smiling back. When Ethan rests his hand on Justin's thigh and looks at him in a suggestive way, Justin abruptly sits up and brings his glass to the sink. "I, uh, I have to sleep early. Brian and I have plans." He hurries out the door.

Ethan sighs sadly. "Brian. Of course."


	7. I Melt

**A/N:** I don't think I have to explain why Chapter 6 was called "A Song for You," it's pretty damn obvious.

Anyway, I forgot to add something in my Ch. 6 A/N -- I want to thank **Jace **for the very inspired Chapter 5 review! It put a big shit-eating grin on my face that stayed on the whole day. Thank you very much! Don't worry about unfinished stories -- I had a bad experience with writer's block for a Tekken fic, and I have vowed to not post a story until I have finished writing it.

**Quietlymocking,** I had a whole spiel written defending my Brian character arc, but I decided to check your author page and interestingly, I think _your _story is very fluffy and OOC. So I guess we'll have to agree to disagree. However, I truly appreciate your honesty, and I hope you do like this fic.

But back to the story! This chapter's song is by Rascal Flatts. I love this song, it's so romantic! And every time it plays, I always sing along..._I meeeeelt, every time you look at me that way..._ Oh, I'm getting weepy now. :P

* * *

**Chapter 7: I Melt**

_"And as for the times when you're not around," Brian concludes, "I wouldn't particularly mind if you were."_

"You won't _believe_ the night I had!" Brandon gushes to a groggy Brian, who is in the shower.

"If you're going to tell me about some amazing sexcapade you had with ten totally ripped hotties, just to make me jealous, I will do _this_ until you shut up." He promptly shoves his fingers in his ears.

Brandon sneers, and continues shaving. "Well, it was a sexcapade, but not of the drugs-alcohol-and-fucking variety. And I'm not telling you to make you jealous."

"I'd tell you that I wouldn't listen anyway, but I don't think that'd shut you up."

"We met at this bar right next to Adonis. He was sitting at the bar looking all sad but hot --"

"That sounds _awfully _familiar."

"Melancholy, beautiful, brooding. _Nothing_ like you. So I ask him what's wrong, and he tells me that the love of his life is in love with someone else. I'm like, 'When you look like _that_, how can anybody ever choose someone else?' We get to talking, and I tell him I'm new here, and apparently, so is he. He came here from Sacramento."

"Interesting," Brian deadpans, washing the conditioner from his hair.

"We decided to go sight-seeing, you know, Central Park and all that stuff. It's beautiful at night. Then we head back to his hotel room for the most mind-blowing sex ever. Twice! And this whole time, we haven't exchanged names or numbers because --"

"Nobody ever does?"

"Because we didn't want to ruin it."

"Oh, how cheesy. How incredibly gay. And let me guess, now you're kicking yourself for not getting his digits because you oh-so-desperately want to see him again?"

"Kinda," Brandon sheepishly admits, "but it wouldn't be the end of the world if I never did."

"It wouldn't. Trust me, I've been there." He wraps a towel around his waist and steps out. "Besides, I thought he said he was already in love with someone?"

"Who doesn't love him back! And I thought...maybe...I might have changed his mind?"

"Dream on," Brian sniffs.

Brandon tries to avoid looking hurt. "So, how are things going with that whole Justin challenge?"

"A lot easier than I anticipated, unfortunately." He zips up his jeans.

"I know the feeling. Like, I was planning to go to the gym for some steam-room action --"

Brian picks his favorite black button-down from the wardrobe and throws it on. "How...creative."

"But today, I just can't. I keep thinking about that guy. Well, I could visit that bar again every day until he shows up..."

"Don't. That is _so_ pathetic. Just wait for it to pass, and it will." He grabs Brandon by the shoulders and pushes him toward the door. "Now, go to that steam room and gang-bang your afternoon away. It'll do you wonders. Go! I have a guest coming over."

"How weird," Brandon remarks as he's pushed past the doorway. "You have a guest that you're not gonna fuck. W-e-i-r-d." He then stops upon seeing a portly man in a white uniform at the door. "_This _is your big date?"

"No, but I was expecting him." He hands the man a bill and takes the bags of take-out Italian food from his hands, then shuts the door. Brian flops down on the couch to light a cigarette, when he hears knocking. Grumpily, he lifts himself off the seat. "I already gave you a big enough tip! So unless you came to give me an extra order of penne, I suggest you bugger o--" He opens the door. "Justin. Hi." He peels off his guest's jacket and hangs it on the coat rack.

He notes the candle, silverware and china on the glass table. "Pulled out all the stops, didn't you, Brian?"

"It's a _candle_, Justin. One candle."

"I've know you eight years, and been with you for four of them. In all that time, you've never done anything like this for me. Had this been the old you, we'd probably be eating on the couch."

"Don't worry your blond little head over it. So I went the extra mile. Inch. Big deal."

"But it's not just this," he insists, preoccupying himself by twisting the ring on his right hand. "It's my paintings of you in your office. It's you picking me up every night to go sight-seeing or bar-hopping, instead of meeting me halfway like you used to do. It's the free dinner, it's the way you look at me like that. It's moving to New York for an indefinite period of time to try to win me back. It's agreeing to not fuck other guys until a certain someone caves in. It's you actually _fighting_ for me. What's going on, Brian?"

Brian shoves the lit side of his cigarette into the ashtray. "Um. Early midlife crisis?"

"I know it isn't."

"Are you so convinced by my immense callousness that every time I try to be nice to you, you believe I'm being insincere?"

"No. I know you're capable of loving. You loved me, remember?"

"_Love_ you. Present tense."

"Yeah."

"I get that I'm an emotional cripple and everything, but that doesn't change the fact that I want you. And I know you can accept me, well-adjusted or not. So what's the problem?" He steps closer, and holds Justin close.

Justin rests his head on Brian's chest. "I'm just worried that all of this, all your efforts to win me over...you're only in it to win it. Because you always want what you can't have, Brian, and once -- if -- you have me, you won't want me anymore. You'll head back to Pittsburgh and move on with your life. Fuck and run, like you always do."

"I would never do that."

"How could you possibly know?"

He breaks free of Justin's hold. "Because I was _never_ able to move on! I tried. Nothing worked. Nothing is genuinely attractive to me anymore, not even drugs, or alcohol, or hell, even Brandon. I spent the last three years attempting to convince myself that I was over you. That you were transient, like all the other guys I've been with. But we both know that's not true." He stops in front of the open window, the afternoon sunlight bouncing off his brown hair.

"Brian..." Justin stands beside him and brushes his fingers against the ring on Brian's right hand.

"Finally, on my 37th birthday, when you danced with me, I realized that none of this works without you. I realized how much of an idiot I'd been not to call or visit you the moment you arrived in New York. And I'll be damned if I spend another birthday without you in my life. I've suffered long enough."

Frustrated, Justin screws his eyes shut and pinches the bridge of his nose. "Fuck."

"What?"

"I hate your little speeches."

"Why?"

"Because I can never say 'no' to them." His ice blue eyes meet Brian's deep green ones, and nothing can be heard but the sound of their combined breathing.

Justin grabs Brian by the back of the neck and kisses him, fervently, desperately. Memories of them rush back into his head, all at once. He lets Brian's tongue explore the inside of his mouth as he quickly becomes intoxicated by a heady mix of cigarettes, alcohol, and Brian's designer perfume. He can feel hands all over him -- through his hair, on his chest, trailing down his back, cupping his behind. When Brian reaches down to unzip Justin's trousers, he isn't stopped this time, as Justin is too busy unbuttoning Brian's black shirt. He hurriedly tears it off his body and pulls off his own sweater.

Unlike before, there is nothing cute, naughty, or playful about it. There is nothing but need and desire and desperation fueling them. They continue kissing as they pull off their shoes and socks in the hallway leading to Brian's bedroom.They leave a trail of clothes behind them and wind up in their underwear, kissing on the bed.

"Protection?" Justin breathes.

"Uh, I didn't come prepared." Justin is momentarily crestfallen. Then, Brian grins. "But Brandon has a ton." He disappears through the doorway momentarily to swipe some items from Brandon's room, and comes back with a fistful of condoms and some lube. He straddles the younger man, and bends down to kiss his neck. Justin closes his eyes and moans as Brian's lips trail further south, until he can feel two large hands slowly peeling off his briefs.

"You're beautiful," he hears Brian whisper. Brian leans back to drink in the sight of him. the wispy, golden hair that half-covered his azure eyes, his ivory-fair skin now pink with arousal. It's everything Brian had been longing for all these years, now lying in front of him.

Justin smiles. "You only told me that once before."

They're quiet for a few seconds. "Are you sure you want to do this?"

Eyes still closed, Justin quietly nods.

* * *

There is no blue light in Brian's rented suite like there was back in Pittsburgh. A lamp by the bedside is the only thing illuminating the bedroom. They stay that way, legs tangled together, both of them too tired to move. 

"That was...intense."

Justin looks up at him, eyes full of insecurity. "You...don't feel like running away from me, now that you've had me?"

"I didn't 'have' you," Brian softly replies, caressing his cheek. "I made love to you."

"You mean...you still want me?"

Brian smiles down at him, and that's all Justin needs to know.

"Um, what time is it?" Justin stammers nervously after a few moments.

Brian lifts his head to glance at his watch. "Six-thirty. Christ. You hungry?"

"Kind of. We did skip lunch, after all."

"Stay here," he says, as he slowly gets up off the bed. "I hope you like microwaved ravioli."

Still naked, he heads out to microwave the Italian food that they never got around to eating. Only, it isn't there. But Brandon is.

"Where the fuck did all the food go?"

"I was hungry!" Brandon mumbles, shoveling the last forkful of linguine into his mouth. "Besides, it was getting cold."

"You're home awfully early for someone who's supposed to be out fucking."

"Couldn't do it," he replies. "I wasn't in the mood."

"Are you fucking kidding me?"

"I told you! I keep thinking about that guy."

He buries his face in his hands. "How long have you been here?" comes his muffled query.

"About four hours. And _someone_ was being really, really LOUD!" Brandon laughs. "Didn't bother to clear up your trail of clothes, either. Don't worry, though, I folded them all up and put them on that chair."

Brian looks at the pile of clothes, grinning sardonically. "I can always count on the neat freak."

"Also, I noticed my drawer was open, and an _entire box _of condoms is missing." Brandon suddenly quiets down, and his eyes widen. "Oh my God. Brian...oh my God."

Brian eyes his own body up and down to see if anything is wrong. "What?"

"You lost the bet!"

"Hmm." He bites his lower lip. "I guess I did."

"And who, might I ask, was the man who you deemed worth it to give up the love of your life for?"

As if on cue, Justin sleepily trudges out of the bedroom, wrapped in the dark blue comforter. "Brian, what's taking you so long?"

Brandon covers his mouth to hold back the laughter. "Oh, _I_ see. Worth it, indeed."

"My dear roommate finished the ravioli," Brian grumbles, reaching for his pair of pants on the chair. "And everything else."

"Well, don't get your panties in a bunch!" he retorts indignantly. "We can always order again. Hi, Justin!" He rests his chin on his palm and grins at the young blond a little too widely.

"Right. Hi."

"And, uh, Brandon figured out something."

Justin blinks at him. "That being...?"

"I lost."

"You lost?"

"Against Ethan."

"Oh." He pulls the comforter closer around his body. "Fuck."

* * *

**A/N: **Tee-hee, Brandon is slightly obsessive-compulsive. I love Brandon! If/when I make a sequel, I'm totally going to explore the Brandon character a lot more. 


	8. Save the Last Dance for Me

**A/N: **Having been the chapter where Justin finally gives in to what he's been feeling for Brian all these years, it's not hard to figure out why I entitled it "I Melt." And come on, as if any of you ever suspected that he would pick Ethan! As much as I like the guy (for the sincerity that lies beneath his uber-pretentious "I'm an artist!" veneer), all signs point to "no," my friends. But that doesn't mean he has to have a sad ending. Wink, wink!

Final chapter's (aww!) song is by The Drifters. Not hard to see why I called it that, either -- it's the one song that encompasses the whole Brian/Justin saga. It's their song! And if you'll study the lyrics, it really is chapter-appropriate: throughout all the trials they'd been through, Brian and Justin would always come home to (ergo, "save the last dance for") each other.

...By the way, this story's been here for months now, and STILL nobody knows which two storylines I ripped off from _Grey's Anatomy_? Interesting.

I read the reviews, and _damn it! _I'm so predictable! One day, I'll write a fluffy happy story that suddenly ends in death and dismemberment. -evil cackle-

Oh, and I'm glad you guys dig the Brandon character! I kind of envisioned him personality-wise as being a love child of Brian and Emmett -- you know, slutty label queen who's not afraid to be femme. Anyway, be sure to read the final A/N at the end for more!

* * *

**Chapter 8: Save the Last Dance for Me**

_"We don't need rings or vows to prove that we love each other. We already know that."_

"What now?"

"That depends," Brian replies nonchalantly, tossing Justin his trousers. "Have you made a decision?"

Justin scowls at him before pulling on his pants.

"Technically, Justin," Brandon explains as he puts down the phone after ordering Thai food, "you'd _have _to go out with this Ethan kid. But look on the bright side: you can always break it off and come running back to Brian."

"It wouldn't be fair to Ethan. I don't wanna lie to him."

"Then I guess we'll just have to come clean."

Justin nods.

"Hey, Sunshine?"

"Yeah?"

"No matter what happens, I'm still going to fight for you."

Justin smiles. He's about to say something else, but his cellphone starts ringing. "Brandon, could you hand me my shirt, please? Thanks." He pulls the cellphone out from the front pocket. "Hello?" He turns to Brian and Brandon, who are seated on the couch. He covers the mouthpiece and says, "Shit. It's Ethan."

_"Justin, I kind of need to talk to you right now. About the little deal with you, me and Brian."_

"I-is something wrong?"

_"Uh. Kinda? When can I see you?_"

"I'm at...Brian's suite." He shrugs at the both of them. "Can you come over?"

_"Okay. Just give me the address and I'll see you there."_

Justin dictates the address of Brian's and Brandon's suite. He and Brian worry that somehow, Ethan must have found out about them. Perhaps he'd seen them kissing in front of the open window, or identified their silhouettes behind the curtains in Brian's bedroom. Half an hour later, the food arrives, and Ethan shows up not too long after that. Brandon busies himself with washing the dishes, so Ethan sits across Brian and Justin in the living room and helps himself to a serving of noodles.

"Um, we kind of have something to tell you."

Brian reclines in the leather sofa. "I lost, Ethan. I lost, fair and square."

"Oh," is his reply. He half-smiles, looking less happy than either Justin or Brian expected.

"But the thing is," Justin continues, "he lost...with me." He reaches to his side to hold Brian's hand.

"Oh," he says again. There isn't a trace of disappointment or anger on his face. "I...uh...no offense, Justin, but I came here to tell you that I wanted to forfeit this thing. I think I'm the one who lost."

Both Brian and Justin are shocked. "Really?"

"How did it happen?"

"And with who?"

Ethan twiddles his thumbs as he thinks of a good way to say it. Of course, it's always an iffy matter -- there _is_ no good way to say it. Brandon, who is done with the dishes, passes through the living room to get to the bedroom. "Good night, guys," he greets, but stops dead in his tracks when he sees Ethan. His eyes widen. He seems to lose his voice for a second, before finally exclaiming, "Holy shit, it's you!"

Ethan stands up, equally shocked. "I thought I'd never see you again."

"I take it you two know each other?" Brian deadpans. "Brandon, Ethan. Ethan, Brandon."

"Ah, so your name is Brandon. Finally."

"Why didn't you tell me that _this _was Ethan? Jesus, Brian!"

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

He joins them in the living room, not taking his eyes off Ethan. "This is the guy."

A crease forms between Brian's eyebrows. "The guy?"

"The one I met at the bar last night! The one I couldn't stop thinking about."

Ethan smiles. "Really? You thought about me, too?"

Justin doesn't get what's going on, but he is amused nonetheless. "Someone enlighten me? Please?"

"But wait a minute!" Brian interrupts. "If this all happened that magical night, Brandon, then that means...that _he_ lost."

"Guess I did," he concedes, looping an arm around Brandon's waist. "Justin, Brandon and I met at a neighborhood bar last night. And that same night, I lost. With him. I mean, I thought you were the one, but last night, I realized that I was rushing things. I simply hadn't met my Mister Right yet," Ethan says. "Then Brandon came along."

"I was such an idiot to not ask you for your name or number," Brandon mumbles.

"Well, I suppose the stars conspired to bring us together again."

Justin rests his chin on his hand. "Oh, Ethan, you're as corny as ever."

"He's not corny!" Brandon insists. "He's really sweet."

"So you...lost?"

"Yes, I did. You're not mad?"

"I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but...thank God," Justin laughs.

"Why Brandon, I thought you didn't do boyfriends?" Brian asks, amused.

"Yeah, but it's just like Ethan said: I hadn't met the right one yet."

"Well, move along, kids," Brian says. "I'm sure you're dying to finish your little tour of the Big Apple."

"Point taken, see ya!"

Justin and Brian remain on the couch, watching as the two smile at each other and head out the door. Brian turns to him. "So...I win."

"Congratulations, Mister Kinney, you got what you came here for."

"And I plan to stay in New York to collect my winnings."

"I guess it's back to our old terms, then? It really doesn't bother me that you want to fuck other guys."

"Good, because I'll be fucking every hot guy I see." He places an arm around Justin. "Like you. And compared to you, everyone else is boring and unattractive, ergo, there is only one hot guy in all the world. He's the only one I want to fuck."

"Oh, Brian."

"As part of the deal, I'd like you to move in with me. Here."

"I can do that," Justin says with a smile.

"Maybe we could even get married one day," he suggests, transferring his ring from his right hand to his left.

Justin does the same with his own ring, but says, "We don't have to. We're not some silly straight couple. We're fags."

"Together because we want to be, not because there are matching locks on our doors."

"It's enough for me."

"Me too."

"But we'll leave that option open. And though I detest the b-word --"

"Bitch?"

"Boyfriend. I'd still like for you to be mine."

Justin smiles and rests his head on Brian's shoulder. They sit in comfortable silence for a good long while.

"How long do you think they'll take?" Justin finally asks.

"Probably the whole night."

"Good," he says, getting up. He walks towards the bedroom, peeling off his clothes in the process. "Would you like to collect your...trophy?"

"A fourth time?" Brian wastes no time in following him and locking the door. "Yup, I think so."

And that's the story of how the two people who wanted what they couldn't have finally got what they wanted.

**FIN.**

* * *

**A/N:** I actually had an epilogue written for this story, but I decided to keep it in case I felt like writing a sequel. 

And guess what? There IS a sequel! I'm actually already five chapters in. It's called "We Have Other Plans," and it's more of an ensemble story than this triangle-centric one, but don't worry! It's still got lots of Brian and Justin in it. And hell yeah, you'll be seeing a lot more Brandon! Since I'm dealing with a lot more storylines (expect to see Ted/Blake, Michael/Ben, Daphne/mystery!, Emmett/surprise!), it's going to be a _really_ long story. Practically a Season 6.

To tide you over, heeere's a sample scene!

_**Preview, "We Have Other Plans"**_

_"I don't know, Justin...he and I have only known each other for a year, lived with each other for six months, and our relationship has been an open one the whole time. What if he doesn't want to be monogamous?"_

_"Look at it this way: you two have fucked just about everything with a penis, yet all the best times you've ever had were with him, and I'm sure he feels the same way. Wouldn't it be so much better for the both of you if you didn't have to waste your time on other people who aren't nearly as wonderful to be with?"_

_Ethan's face breaks into a grin. "I never thought of it like that!"_

_"Trust me, I've been there before," Justin muses with a knowing smile. "It's gonna be so much better when it's just the two of you, I swear."_

**A/N:** Hmm, what could this possibly mean? Stay tuned for the sequel! Heehee.

Thank you all for reading and reviewing this story, and I hope you'll like the sequel just as much! It's still unfinished, so all suggestions are welcome!


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